Another good reminder, that my feelings are not me or all of me. I, obviously, have an extremely difficult time doing this. And my feelings are strong, painful, chaotic, all over the place now. One reason I'd like to find an antidepressant that could help me stabilize enough to be able to try some of the tactics for changing the brain.
As far as legal options, like I posted above, my case is considered much more complex than the ones you would think would be complex. The lawyer says I have to prioritize what is most important to me, what aspects and results do I want most?
For instance that could be going to trial to explain the situation and why I made the choice I did, and to refute the inaccuracies and outright lies in the police report. But that would mean convincing a jury if my truth and motivation and experience which could be very difficult. Because the lAwyer thinks they'd use the police report against me and the DA would say I got suicidal AFTER getting the drugs (false) rather than being suicidal and getting the drugs to commit suicide with (true). And it could be grueling for me and further damage my mental health.
Then there is my state's version of not guilty by insanity. Except here it's guilty AND insane. So you still get the guilty plea and ruling. And a bureaucracy in the state capitol (about five hours away) can step in and really control your life, including forcing you to move to a new city, incarceration in a mental health facility and so on. I can't remember if your record is clean after that or not.
So neither of those options is looking good.
There are two that seem more plausible. One is to go to mental health court where the local mental health bureaucracy makes decisions for you including final say on all medications. That makes me nervous because I just started with a psychiatrist and want to keep working with her. Also, what if their meds don't work, make me sick or I otherwise can't take them? Does that mean I fail and remain GUILTY?
The positive side of that one is I would have nothing on my record at the end. I don't know how long of a process this is. I also don't know if my insurance would cover, I couldn't afford it otherwise.
Last option is asking DA to drop charges down to misdemeanor or maybe altogether. Because I have no criminal record this is feasible. I would basically just be put on probation and wait it out. I'd have fees to pay depending on what could get worked out in plea bargain. The main negative could be having a record, though a misdemeanor not a felony which could hopefully get expunged at some point. And having a record could theoretically close some doors to me.
So those are my main choices. I would appreciate any feedback, experiences, etc. that people would like to share. That is assuming anyone made it to the end of this post!
