Been a very long while
Hello everyone! To start with it's been a very long time since I posted on here, fact I think I was still active in using when I did so. But tomorrow is my 7 months sobriety date. The best ever decision I made was to enter inpatient rehab here in Washington at sundown ranch. I credit them for doing a very very good job, for the most part saving my life. I still keep in contact with a lot of people I met in there all across the country from Oklahoma to Alaska. (6 of 7 of my group members from in there get together on skype each week, it's awesome they are all about the same age as me 21-25.) but anyways I had a little concern I wanted to ask about. After I was discharged my apartment had been cleared out, lease paid off, and I had a bedroom/bathroom set up for me here at my parents house. Which is pretty much my own apartment it's not terrible, but due to my credit score being absolutely atrocious, it's hard
To find a place of my own. I had started a new job on late May, having gotten out of sundown in early May, and I was so happy. For the first time in 5 years I had a job where I wasn't going in hungover or going through withdrawals being miserable. As I worked there I showed to others that when not drinking I am a great employee, and the reasoning for all the other jobs I had lost previously were all due to my drinking and drugging. Recently, though however after 7 months of working there, I was unfortunately let go. For a reason I still can't really comprehend but the positive I guess was it was not for my drinking. Anyways, it has been almost 3 weeks now without working, I had saved up a substantial amount to live off in case it were to happen. But since I'm 22 years old, I have noticed my stress, depression, and worries are taking over. I don't feel the need to drink or anything, it's just my social behavior has changed due to me feeling like a loser, ex. Living at home, now no job, I start school this next quarter, but that's still months away. It has just gotten to me, these thoughts that run through my mind. Due to my family and friends in the past watching me use, and seeing me struggle. But this seems to be the first time I have been struggling since being sober. Like I said I don't feel the urge to drink or anything, but my boredom concerns me, I do enjoy being outside and being with my friends, but the winter makes that hard to do, and there is no snow yet so I can't quite go up to the mountain. Against all the things I have heard and still hear in rehab, I do still smoke weed. Well, not smoke I eat the edibles, I'm prescribed for anxiety anyways, and it helps me feel more at peace with my higher power, which is nature
Since I'm not religious. I don't know I decided to get some of my feelings off my chest on how I wish I could get rid of these feelings, as I still am pretty new in recovery. I felt really good working and doing my thing there full time, but when I lost my job it definitely kind of killed my confidence boost.
Best wishes-
Brad