I woke up this morning with deep gratitude for my sobriety as I reflected upon where I was three years ago; in an intensive care unit of the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. All caused because of my drinking. I wanted to write something profound and witty; just like I frequently want to say something in a meeting...but I don't. I'm still learning to use my voice in my personal life; I've no problem AT ALL in my professional life.
I was clean and sober for 13 years and began drinking when my marriage fell apart. I spent the next 8 years accomplishing a few things, especially being a strong-single Mom as well as getting my graduate degree, but I lost myself in the wine glass. Even though I was in recovery before; it is very different this time around...because I"m different.
What I do know is that sobriety is so much more than just to stop drinking. It is about relearning how to do just about everything. I have claimed my home as an alcohol-fee zone so that I know I"m always safe. I've learned to be with my feelings and to feel the discomfort. From that discomfort comes an eventual solution and/or realization of what I must do differently.
I've learned to be alone....a lot. My partner who I've been with for six years still drinks. We have gradually spent less and less time together. I'm very fond of him, but I don't trust him. One of the better decisions I made in my sobriety is to not live with him. I've been learning how to have a relationship with myself and to get to know who I am. I know it sounds corny but it really is true. My goal for my next year of sobriety is to be in more social situations. I was always fine if I had a glass in my hand (and a few in my system).
I've recently started attending more AA meetings in order to be with more people who are like me. I've been able to listen to music again; something I couldn't do for the first two years of my sobriety because of the associations with drinking/using. My next goal is to dance again
Checking in daily on SR has been KEY. Not only checking in but participating by responding to others. I have so much gratitude and respect for everyone here; I couldn't have done it without you....I know this because I tried before...and I failed.
