Day 4.
Today was another stressful day at work. It's already busy season and me choosing to be a drunk for the past month didn't make my job any easier. It feels like running a Ponzi scheme; the good news is I'm night and day different drunk/hungover vs. sober. I was thinking to myself today how under the influence I'm just managing. As others mentioned above; it's not living, it's counting down your life till the next drink.
Day 4 feels great, though. Having 9 months off previously and having been seeing a therapist the past 21 months has allowed me to deal with so much. I just need to get over the idea I can drink ever again, it's so simple, yet I'm just a slip away.
I've analyzed my last few slips and they all have a central theme. I slip either around a girl I feel romantic towards or friends I miss that still drink normally. I enjoyed the sober time with both during my breaks, yet my AV always convinces me this time will be different, this time will be like when I was in college. I know those days are gone and really, I would have been a much better student without it. So anyways, I'm feeling positive.
To anyone still struggling, keep fighting. It took serious work for me to reach some of the breakthroughs that give me inner peace now. It's going to take equal amounts to finally kick this too.
Much Love,
Nolan