Can you accept your part, but still be angry at someone else's actions?
Here's something that I've been wrestling with lately. Is it possible to simultaneously accept that you and your actions are partly responsible for a bad situation, and still be angry or upset or hurt for the addict's actions?
I wanted to treat him like an adult and allow him to make his choices. I also of course wanted him to be back with me in our life. As he started to slip away from AA/NA, started to negotiate with abstinence "I can have one drink and be okay," I pushed back but obviously not hard enough. He skidded off the rails in about 3-4 months and went on the most destructive bender I've ever seen from him.
Today, I am at peace with my part in this situation. I know that I didn't hold the line when he started negotiating with things to which we had previously agreed, I know I didn't push back hard enough when he was looking for and accepting jobs that aren't the types he said he needed, and that we'd agreed to. I know I was taking a chance on this happening, and it happened. But I'm still angry that he didn't take care of himself, I'm still angry that he didn't take care of me, and I'm still angry that I got hurt. Is that normal? Am I not really accepting these facts when I think I am? What do you think?