GreenEggsnHam

I'm 7 months totally sober, but I quit drinking about two years ago from a heavy daily drinking habit. I've backed away from antidepressants and anxiety medications under medical supervision, cut out a pack a day smoking habit and even weened myself off of caffeine. I'm sober.

I can stay sober easily if I restrict my life to watching YouTube videos, video games and work. I don't feel the urge to drink while doing those things. When I do anything that is stimulating, though, I find myself sweating, feeling dizzy and contemplating where to get a drink. If I go out with friends, I want to drink with them. If I try to start a hobby, I just want to drink while I'm doing it. For example, in university I studied creative writing. I loved it. Was drunk for almost every minute of it. Now, sober, when I sit down to write I feel my brain reeling, wondering, "Where's the booze?" It just feels like an impossible task without alcohol.

So I guess, if I have a question (And I might not, this might just be a rant), it would be, "Am I doomed to be an artless boor without alcohol?" Is pursuing a creative or social outlet too risky? Should I settle for the sober life I know I can maintain?

I feel frustrated and angry with what seems to be an unfair obstacle to my life - the not being able to drink thing.

I just wanted to tell someone how I've been feeling. Thanks for listening.