Also from the first part of the thread- thank you mecanix for writing to me and the smokers about your family. I know how tough that is to experience. I don't want to continue hurting myself like that.
I'll try to remember how serious this is when I'm crabby and I think I should just have a cigarette.
Marty, I'm nervous but I'm ready to quit.
Today is my 41st bday. I've read that everyone has two lives. The second one begins when you realize you only have one.
That is this year for sure. Lots of deep thinking going on, as best I can. Lots of asking myself what I want and how to get there.
Wondering why I never saved any money or started my own business yet. I don't want to be too hard on myself at this moment so I'll stop now.
I am melancholy. My bf and I aren't doing so great and it really shows on a day like a bday. It's not the first time a guy has used my bday as an opportunity to show me how little I'm thought of. They just. Do. Nothing. I had to ask him if he was going to say happy birthday to me. All I wanted was a hug and a 'I'm glad you're alive and I love you so much.'
His son needs a mother and he is making a lot of progress with trust and attachment. So I stay. I love him so much.
This is hard.
Ok so this turned into a colossal pity party, damn. I'm going to figure out something to do to recenter and have a smile today.
I guess I can say I'm grateful that drinking hasn't entered my mind as any kind of option. It's a bonus I can breeze through most of life now without negotiating when and how much I can drink and seem ok, or when can I get home to really strap on the booze bag. That is a blessing.