HUGE hugs to you and yes I completely understand the line that about being angry with yourself because you chose him, and you NEVER would have chose him if you were a healthy person. These guys taught us a huge life lesson, one we would never ever repeat again. One we can teach our own kids and hopefully they can gain from the insight we now have. Your brightest days are now ahead of you, believe that. You are stronger than ever, you KNOW the immense value you are as a person, and you will never allow that kind of evil in your life. The chapters of the rest of your life are unwritten and waiting for you...