Thank you for the recommendation, dandylion... I remember you
I will check that book out, indeed if one hasn't made efforts to heal, the same lessons will come back again and again... I feel that is also a reason why I am easier with myself, I see all the pain I have gone through and caused myself with my behaviors, and can see very clearly it all comes from deep wounds I have carried and still carry.
Although I have had healthier relationships in between these two... but I wouldn't call them "love" either... more like comfort...