So my last post was the one where we are doing an in-house separation, with an agreement in place with how we handle the finances, weekends with the kids, etc. He was (still is) going on nights which meant we would rarely see each other since he only has one day off during the week.
It is now nearing the end of the nights at work and soon he will be on days and he will be here a lot more. I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to handle him being here. With him being gone, I've gotten a lot of clarity about how life would be without him and to be honest it is very very refreshing. I feel blessed to be given that opportunity without having to do anything drastic and permanent. Now I'm worried how we are going to co-exist in this house.
My biggest reason for staying is the kids, finances being a close second although I can afford to live on my own just fine it will just be extremely tight. The health and well being of the kids in his care if I can't get supervised visitation is my biggest fear. He has nearly burnt the house down once and has started two fires inside the house due to smoking. He STILL refuses to stamp out his cigarettes, instead tossing them in plastic trash cans with a lit cherry. He thinks those times were flukes and refuses to listen to me. It scares me to death that he will drink and drive with the kids. He has been in 5 car accidents that were his fault that totaled his cars. I'm worried he will get a girlfriend that is also an alcoholic and start abusing her in front of them like he has with me and she cannot take them away from the madness. It gives me a weird sense of security knowing that I can blunt them from him using myself.
My first al anon meeting went wonderful and I can't wait to go back. I have a sitter all lined up already
What an incredible group of warm people. I didn't share anything, too nervous, but they didn't seem to mind.
for listening to my update.