Originally Posted by
Tiredofdrugs 
Now you understand what we have been trying to get you to realize! I've been pointing this out to you for a couple of years now!
TOD
Knew that would catch your eye! Been hard for anything to penetrate the fog of depression these past few years. Like everyone here, I go forward and back, just been on back for awhile. I also know just cause I become aware of something doesn't guarantee success. Recovery and my attempts at it have been WAY different than I thought it would be.
I think I was hoping and believing too strongly that mental illness wasn't quite the monster lurking under my addiction that it's turned out to be. Wasn't ready for it and it's profoundly affected everything to do with my addiction. Like Cerberus, cut off one bloody head and another is there waiting to take its place.
I guess I'm saying I'm doing my best with what I got. And I fall and fail A LOT! And probably will continue to do so. Change is slow for me. Every major change has taken me years of hard work. And I got tired. And then I got numb. And I'm still battling the fatigue and the desire to be numb.
We'll see where it goes from here.