Originally Posted by
incitingsilence 
Find face to face support if you can it will go a long way. You don’t have to speak as was said just listen.
I know you did a lot of research with him, but have you done any from the watching side of things?
So many of us did the same, went to look for how to help and understand them to learn it time we desperately needed to help and learn about ourselves. So if you haven’t researched what will help you I suggest you look up enabling, denial, codependency … gain this insight.
Those who watch get sick too, most of the time way sicker than the addicts in their lives.
You are worth your time!
You deserve the time you give yourself!
And if you can give yourself that time not only will you be giving yourself a huge gift you will be giving a gift to your children as well. In this you also remove yourself from being sucked back into the game. But then you have to remember that you never had to play the game to begin with.
Oh and the suicide threats, always should be taken seriously. If faced with this again the best reaction is to call 911 immediately. This way if he is serious then he gets the help he needs and if he was just playing some sick twisted game with you he will think twice about pulling that **** again. It is never up to anyone to assign what that threat truly is so it always must be taken seriously.
Be gentle with yourself.
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I know you did a lot of research with him, but have you done any from the watching side of things?
I honestly didn't think of it that way. I have done research for myself but definitely not extensive as for him.ive looked up stories and stuff online. I have a few self help books that I started and definitely didn't finish.
Enabling, definitely know that one. Denial, I never want to truly believe my situation. "It's not that bad" "it will get better" "things could be a lot worse"
Codependency, I always thought of myself as independent and strong. I guess maybe I'm really not that independent and strong after all...
The suicide threats break my heart. He lost his dad 5 years ago to suicide. His grandfather committed suicide.
2 years ago he was admitted to a "detox, psych ward". He was gone for about 4 days. They released him because he checked out ok. At that time I feel like I totally lost it as well. He was using heroin, meth, valium, zanax, alcohol, marijuana. You name it. And I had a stranger i was taking care of along with our daughter. I can't believe the experiences I had during that time. 9 months of hell. Everything led to me cheating on him. I was so messed up I felt it didn't matter. I never would have thought me to do such a thing. That goes against my morals for sure. I guess it doesn't help either that I always had suspicions of him cheating on me. I don't know if I was so insecure and paranoid of it was really happening.
Since that time, that's a normal behavior for him. He always says too, I really don't want to kill myself. He goes from one extreme to the other.
This way if he is serious then he gets the help he needs and if he was just playing some sick twisted game with you he will think twice about pulling that **** again. It is never up to anyone to assign what that threat truly is so it always must be taken seriously.
I appreciate these words as I lost a close friend to suicide over the summer. I really don't want our girls not have him.
If I were to call 911, what would happen to me or the girls in that situation? If I were to call the cops, what would happen? I don't want something to happen to my girls. I don't want to deal with cps for whatever reason. They don't live my life. I was even afraid to post I have kids.
Thank you so much for your words. I felt myself calm and honest. I need some peace in my life.