Lyssy.....I don't know how "recovering" your husband. I imagine that there is still a lot of hurt beneath the surface....from behaviors when he was drinking.....and this kind of episode just serves to bring some of that pain and hurt to the surface.
It sounds like he doesn't "get" how much you have been wounded (by him).
dandylion
about the holiday.....this is something that a husband and wife discuss together and come up with a strategy together. This requires openness and honesty and the desire to problem solve together for the good of the relationship......it takes really working together and tolerance and patience and empathy......ongoing stuff in any m arriage.
I dreaded my inlaws every year...as did my husband!!...lol.
I suspect you main problem is with him....and some of it gets projected onto his family......even though they may be difficult.....you are married to him...not them.
You are not required to love them....if you don't......