I'm bummed. My friend keeps mixing up when I'm supposed to go over to help her. It was supposed to be this morning so I got up early. Just called her to confirm and she'd forgotten (again) she's going out with her fiancé. I'll go this afternoon. I'm not really mad at her, she's a bit forgetful, what I realize is that I'm sitting here feeling sad and disconnected. I so need some human contact (you great guys notwithstanding). Key, thankfully, acting is a hobby for me. The life of a professional performer must be agonizing at times.
I wanted the role not just for the joy of performing but also to be busy and be around other people for a while. But then that would end and I'd be on my own again. Sorry, just thinking out loud. Trying to cope. I heard who got the role, and honestly, she was the least good of us three women. She's older too and doesn't look the part. I don't know what the directors' vision is. Man, I need to forge out something to keep me busy and with people. I know I'd see my city friends more often if I lived there. For some reason I've got the willies about moving now.
Fear, I guess. Fear I'd be just as lonely. Maybe it's just a core part of me that will never go away since Larry's death. I miss him.