After getting sober my RAH admitted that he had semi-realized he'd been surrounding himself with people he judged to have bigger, more obvious problems than he did. It made him feel better about himself & validated his feelings that he wasn't "like them", "that bad", etc. Basically, I said, you spent your time with people you thought were total losers because it made you feel better about yourself? Yep. Actually reinforcing his ability to stay in denial. He would do anything to protect this part of himself, ANYTHING.
The lies he told me flat-out, to my face, have always been the hardest part to heal. I can't even express how ridiculously transparent & obvious his lies got to be. "That's right. Santa & a leprechaun strolled right in here & took money out of my wallet. That's what happened. I am SICK of being questioned about every little thing!" Then he'd storm off to drink, because he was SO angry at me & the "way I talk to him".
