I've been finding this family disease of alcoholism to be completely counter-intuitive!
Even two weeks ago with talking with my husband's counselor at a mental health center had me momentarily looking for statements like "when this happens, then..." Talking with my Alanon sponsor helped greatly in getting my focus back on my life, my fitness to take care of things... and then the "little details" (which used to be HUGE monsters to me!!) all have worked out, one day at a time.
There have been many well-meaning therapists at rehab that gave us advice. Some was excellent, some not so much, and some that I've found to not be helpful at all. What's wonderful about it all is finding my own footing and taking what helps and storing the rest.
Great, great, great move on reaching out for help. Letters like this that some earlier therapists/counselors had me write, I could see later on that they were for my own benefit, not to change him. Some may not have intended it that way, that's just how it worked for me. Now I might write them here or in a notebook, but I no longer give those kind of things to my husband. It's never worked in the way I wanted it to, so I changed up how I use this tool.