Find face to face support if you can it will go a long way. You don’t have to speak as was said just listen.
I know you did a lot of research with him, but have you done any from the watching side of things?
So many of us did the same, went to look for how to help and understand them to learn it time we desperately needed to help and learn about ourselves. So if you haven’t researched what will help you I suggest you look up enabling, denial, codependency … gain this insight.
Those who watch get sick too, most of the time way sicker than the addicts in their lives.
You are worth your time!
You deserve the time you give yourself!
And if you can give yourself that time not only will you be giving yourself a huge gift you will be giving a gift to your children as well. In this you also remove yourself from being sucked back into the game. But then you have to remember that you never had to play the game to begin with.
Oh and the suicide threats, always should be taken seriously. If faced with this again the best reaction is to call 911 immediately. This way if he is serious then he gets the help he needs and if he was just playing some sick twisted game with you he will think twice about pulling that **** again. It is never up to anyone to assign what that threat truly is so it always must be taken seriously.
Be gentle with yourself.