You know, I was thinking more about this and if this had happened prior to my awareness, the way things would have played out would have been this way:
Son gripes about coach. Codie mom goes into Pollyanna mode trying to control my son's mood for my own relief. Son backlashes and gets more ornery. Codie mom starts future tripping that bad attitude of son= ticked off coach= no playing time= even more upset son= even more codie triggers for poor mommy. Finally, codie/martyr mom would start feeling really resentful. "Here I am spending all of my time and money on YOUR sport. What about me? How dare you upset ME!"
It is almost comical. I can't believe how long I have lived these cycles. Thanks for letting me articulate so that at my next go around, I can look back at this and see what I am doing!