Hi Living in Peace .
9th step says ''Made direct amends to people we had harmed ,EXCEPT when to do so would injure them or others .
Its only my view but 'You ' are part of the others , 8th step goes on to part that says '' Became Willing '' to make amends it does not say we ''must '' .
You say a lot of your family etc are ''toxic '' okay one thing I have learned is that you cannot reason or explain something to people who are ''Unteachable '' wisdom to know the difference .
What I have learned to do is ''detach '' from people who are loud ,aggressive ,people who live in a vastly different manner from myself and people who do not have standards or principles that I try to live by , for example take the AA slogans that we see on the walls of many AA meetings ,most of them try to show us how to have a ''normal way of thinking and living '' people who are loud and aggressive do not live by these principles .
Being ''Detached '' does not mean ignoring them it means stop trying to reason or defend yourself or your actions , I do not live in other peoples sickness or allow them to interfere with my way of living , yes even some family members , ''detachment can mean simply ''let go '' or in the case of ''family '' Let go with Love '' or ''let go and let god '' you simply cannot reason with unreasonable people ,you cannot make them '' accept '' you ? why ''unteachable ''
Move on and accept the things you cannot change , the 9th step just be ''willing '' that's all in relation to them .
AA taught me to be ''ruthless '' with my sobriety and do not allow anything or anyone interfere with it or my peace of mind and contentment . Desiderata talks about people who are vexations to the spirit ,as above ''loud and aggressive '' hope this helps ? take care .
Regards .
Stevie .