Please, please, please take care of yourself. Get to an Alanon or Naranon meeting as soon as you can...it's not just your life this will effect...it's your child's as well...you can not change him. The endless searching, confronting, hoping he will change...I'm sorry to say, it's useless, and a waste of a time. What WON'T be a waste of time is taking care of yourself. Learn all you can about addiction, read everyone's threads on here...hear our stories. Most of them consist of pain, disappointment, turmoil and insanity. The only thing you have control over IS YOURSELF. Take care of yourself, your child deserves one stable parent. Do you have boundaries in place? If you catch him using or high again? What is your plan B? Of course he loves you, (At least I hope so), however, drugs will always be his first love. Trust me, I TRIED to compete, for years-there is NO COMPETITION, we will never win against drugs with an addict. No one here is judging, we've all been in the same, if not similar situation. But, try to learn from our heartache, it get's worse before it gets better (if it ever gets better.)
Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Please take care of yourself, be easy on yourself.
Hugs.