Originally Posted by
Lyoness 
I was stunned to find out she really had been fighting for me. The choices I saw her make painted a different story and we've cleared a lot up. Doesn't mean I'm going to trust her but at least I don't have to feel like I did before, which was pretty rotten.
I get so confused when it comes to trusting. Early, like at birth, I learned you can't trust anyone. So I end up in all sorts of mixed up states, trusting too much, too little, sometimes both at once. But this last loss, I really thought I could trust this person, she'd proved herself many times so it was a shock. I've spent the last week literally crushed and paralyzed with grief. Did nothing, I couldn't.
After something like this I do lose trust in everyone and everything but mostly myself. How can I trust myself when I keep choosing the wrong people? How can I trust myself in anything? That's where I go and I am. At least if you can trust yourself that's one person, right, but what if you haven't even got that? Then what do you do--I just don't know.
I do know how much I appreciate your reaching out and belief I'll make it. If someone believes maybe...... Thank you, truly.
'
What you do is this. Firstly start to realise you are still here and who got you here? You. So there is your first step. We all make bad decisions but not every decision you ever made was bad. Sometimes it just feels that way. Dig deep and find some things you have done that served you well. I promise there will be some. Those are the things that you can start building on. Slowly slowly.
It is human nature to focus on the negative stuff and forget the good stuff. And it is bloody hard to remember the small things that do make sense or are good for us to remember. But make yourself do it.
Number 1 can be your doc is not as awful as you first thought. That is good right??
Number 2 can be that your lawyer is doing their utmost to help you?
Lets hear number 3 to 5 and see where were go from here. And no this is not easy but it is essential to getting your mind out of the paralysing state that it is just now