Toxic Family & Amends?
I come from a very toxic family. I know they're not going to change. I made two amends recently to family members. One went much better than expected, and the other didn't go well. She accepted the amends (it was a general thing) and brushed it off, but then the rest of the conversation went downhill.
She caught me totally by surprise. She got *extremely* nosy and pushy to know about my relationship with a few of my family members who I have chosen not to have a relationship with. One such family member was abusive, and I'm not sure she knows this or if it's my place to say. She seems to be viewing things only from these family member's side of the story, and not even asking for mine. I caved a little because I got thrown. She's usually not like this, but I've forgotten who she's become the last few years.
I told her what she wanted to hear, (what caused my not talking to these family members), and now I know it will get back to the other family members. It makes me look like the bad guy, because these particular family members are very good at making themselves the innocent victims.
This is how my family works. They are all sick, love drama and chaos, love to stir the pot, and treat me like a doormat, push me until I give in and say or do what they want. They've made me question my sanity because of how toxic they are. It's been good for my health to get away from them. But now with making amends, I am thrown back into their toxicity.
I don't know how to make amends to people who are still incredibly sick and toxic, or how to have a relationship with them if they are still incredibly sick and toxic. I don't know what God wants me to do to protect myself, and what to do to make them feel good for me making an amends.
I've heard confusing things about what amends are actually for. My sponsor says it's to clean up my side of the street, so I will be free. But I also hear that amends are for the other person to feel good. But my family is the type who if you make an amends, they'd throw it right back into your face or make you feel really badly about things. It's really hard to explain.
Also the amends I'm making is just general amends for how I behaved; nothing specific.
Any guidance, experience, suggestions would be greatly appreciate.