Hi Bell:
I'm glad you posted checking in. I've been thinking about your threads. First of all great job making the first step happen!!! You are doing it!!!
I wanted to tell you that from what I have read I would suggest that you relax a bit and start taking things one day at a time. You talk about all the drama of the adoption, the bio mom, your children's problems when you got them and now, etc... I feel that you are being stuck in the past and that's not letting you move forward. I would also recommend that you take off your counselor hat and just be. You are analyzing your children's behavior way too much and I feel that you are reading way into it. For example, you said that you were nervous about having to help your daughter with her homework because of this or that... You were already projecting how it was going to go. Everyday is a clean slate. Don't forget.
Don't feel discouraged. Your kids are still really young And you are trying your best. Give yourself some credit! The best thing you can do is quit drinking. I can tell you from experience that it has brought A LOT to my life and the ability to be the mother I want to be. Don't be so hard on yourself. You spoke of perfectionism. Perfection is boring!!!
I'm happy that you found this place. It has created a big change for me and I hope it can help you how it has help me.
Keep us posted and rely on us. Have you read about "a plan" or AVRT?
That has really helped me.