Originally Posted by
jjj111 
Have you thought at all about where your boundaries are here? I think I remember that at some point before he came back your boundary was that you wouldn't feel comfortable taking him back until you'd seen extended sobriety? And then after he got back and it turned out he was lying about being sober, your boundary was that you would support him so long as he was making an effort to get sober? I may be remembering wrong, but just curious if you have limits on what kinds of behavior you're willing to accept...
Um.... I don't think that was me. Lol... I do remember saying that I wanted him to be sober a year before he and I moved in together. But I won't put it past me that I've changed my mind and just "don't remember".
How I do remember it is that I broke up with him in January. He continued to drink. He said he wanted to get sober but he continued to drink. He deployed around May and at that time I felt the need to go NC. He got into rehab while deployed and stayed sober a little over 100 days and relapsed a few weeks after coming home. I had started talking to him again somewhere in those 100 days and we never really validated getting back together, but we both considered each other in a relationship again at some point. The "relapsing" has gotten closer and closer together.... though it never seemed to get where it was before... or maybe I have just been getting better at minding my own business about that! Ha!
I have as of now come to a point where I am comfortable with a decision for not worrying about whether or not I will move in with him next year in August. I feel that I can set that worry aside and stop future trippin over it.
And my boundaries are: I shut my phone off at night and do NOT look at it (and god it keeps me up at night when I do!). I also will not hang out with him if he is drinking (which he hasn't even tried to do; the bottle was from some other time). And he knows to never come to my house after drinking. So far, these boundaries work for me.
I'm still working on my need to fix, rescue, be consumed by, give too much of myself... and then forget myself, incessant worrying about the future, and learning to trust myself...among other things. Lol