LemonGirl

Hey everyone. I've been on here and there... Started attending Alanon regularly. Missed two weeks in a row of that and boy did I get off track! Lol.... I feel so much better when I do go. And this week I'm seriously going to need it.

Last week I was at my abf's house and sat on his bed and felt something hard and as I ran my hand along the fold in the cover I found a bottle... on total accident, and right in front of him. I didn't react (yay me; I already knew he had relapsed anyway). He gently asked me not to go and to stay and somehow, my acceptance of it.... of him drinking... just got him to really open up. I realize this is weird for "normal" couples (or not), but the conversation we held for the rest of the evening and morning were good simply because it was authentic, honest, and filled with compassion for one another's plights. A rare moment indeed.
I left the next morning knowing that despite his addiction and despite my little codie future trippin freak outs, he and I are good.

Fast forward to Friday... well, Saturday morning for me... He got his first DUI. And he was already in trouble... being in the military. It's going to be a very long and hard legal battle for him and of course a big stress for finding another job.... So how did I do in the midst of an alcoholic's crisis? Well.... he needed his keys and so I drove to get his spare for him. I also paid the cabby (that took him from the jail to his car) for him because his credit cards were locked in his car and he couldn't pay. And he stayed the weekend with me aside from getting to AA (on his own)....

I needed to ask myself some things as I am your typical rescuer....

Am I cancelling my day to accommodate his needs? Um.... sort of? I still took my daughters on a hike right after I got him his keys; I feel really good about that. We laughed and had a great time doing the hike... discovered a new trail... ate a picnic at the park. All while he did whatever it was he needed to do with his car and whatever else. I am glad to say that he came clean to his chain of command immediately. He still came over for dinner that night too as we had already planned that.

And another question... 'Is this affecting me negatively?'

Nope! I have really been practicing "happiness is an inside job" and it IS working! Don't get me wrong.... I called a good friend who totally understands and loves him and I both and I vented. And I came here. And I made sure to write in my gratitude journal. And I got in some extra reading about alcoholism and codependency this week. But really? I am NOT falling apart! And that is progress for me.

And I was able to truly thank myself for the first time in a long time for NOT having moved in with this man earlier this year. The old me would be wiping his butt for him. Lol... The new me is still struggling not to show him all the meetings available to him or yack his ear off about my own spiritual findings through my own recovery in he hopes that I "rub off on him"... But I am doing soooo much better than I used to.


Thank God! And thank God for SR and Alanon! Blessings everyone!