I definitely think you're right. I'm not one to keep up with the Joneses, but I'm definitely playing for someone. I don't know if it's for my parents' approval (even at 30 years old), or for society's approval, or what, but I'm still not satisfied with my own accomplishments. I feel lost. I just finished graduate school obtaining a degree I thought I wanted, but once I reached the end, I was so burned out by tests and internships and long hours and not getting to see my own kids, I don't even know anymore that I want to be a counselor. I love the idea of helping people, and it did bring me a great deal of satisfaction, but I have young children at home who are only getting older, and I don't want to miss them.
I don't know. I don't know what I want or why I look around at my peers and they are all either on the road towards "arriving" or have already arrived where they want to be, but I still feel lost. It makes me so mad at myself, and that's another thing that drives my desire to drink- anger at me. Everyone has sob stories and I could just as easily say "I drink because my dad had an affair when I was young," but that's crap. The truth is, I'm more angry with myself than anyone else in my life. And maybe that all links back to the perfectionism too- what drives me?
Man, this thread got very existential. Ha! Sorry for rambling. As my brain clears out of the fog, the thoughts get deeper and not so fun.