Retread, how you doing? Patricia, ditto Key and JL. Take alcohol out of the equation and the other things will fall into place. Of the 3 things you are fighting, it's alcohol that makes everything worse. Have u you looked into nicotine patch or that e cigarette thing? Guess the e cig is for smokers that are more into the ritual of it than nicotine. Like must have cig with coffee, or a drink . Patch for those addicted to the nicotine, idk?
I know in your heart you know you are worth something. You keep trying and fighting and I really respect that about you.