You've got a lot of support here whopper!
but yeah....I was very suicidal when I was drinking. It's the pits! Honestly....that's one thing keeping me sober. I never want to feel that way again.
As for the loneliness. I understand that too. I don't have an SO right now and I've had to be learn to take the initiative if I want to have friends and a social life. We have to be willing to take a few steps outside our comfort zone, yeah?
Navigating life sober is a whole new deal for us and it takes some time to figure it out.