Originally Posted by Midton

For the first time in quite a while I had quite strong cravings at work last night, where in my mind I was okay with the decision to drink this weekend. This both helps me and scares me.

It helps in that I know I always have to be focused on his battle, keep my guard up regardless of how confident I feel. And I do have a tendency to feel over-confident, cured so to speak.

It scares me as I feel I will always have this cloud hanging over me and sometimes it will rain and rain heavily. I am unsure if I can always be so resilient, for ever and ever.

It depresses me too and I know that the decision to drink or not it totally up to me. I have to take the numerous steps to eventually raise the glass up to my mouth. I know that if I fail then I will blame myself so much I will end up pretty depressed for a period.

Other than that I'm great.