It's about me.
So in recent events the addicted husband is in recovery. Which for anyone who has been there - isn't a day in the park. It is still total insanity. He goes to meetings every night which test my trust. Is he really going to meetings? Do I really want to go to sleep by myself the rest of my life? Am I better off just being single? All questions that I put on hold.
However, with me - I just got news that I may have thyroid cancer. It's suspicious for follicular neoplasm and what that means is that they won't know if it is, or isn't until they cut it out of me. I have contacted the best hospital for cancer in my state and sent them all the paper work. I waiting for a call back for an appointment. So, it's not a definitive yes I have it or no I don't. It's this medium place of "oh-sh*t". So, needless to say I don't need any stress in my life now.
His mom has also drawn boundaries I can respect. She no longer wants to hear about anything to do with me and her son. Which really means don't call my father in law with the problems anymore (her husband). So, that has cut off communication that was built to be open so he (addict husband) couldn't successfully manipulate me and his dad. Addict husband is professional manipulator.
So basically i'm in a crisis in my own mind. Praying for the best - worrying about the worst. I did get something for my anxiety which was never my drug of choice but I know can be habit forming. I am not taking anything more than recommended and realize there is an end point. However, it is helping me deal with getting through the day without crying, panicking or completely losing my crap.
I just felt that I should update. Not looking for advice. Just I have always found such warm support here and that's what I need right now. Thanks.