Cauliflower, enjoy the book release! What a wonderful moment for your Dad.
Dee, that is a very good question. I need to be more active in my recovery. SR is a big part of that, but I don't think it's enough. I've never been to an AA meeting, but I think now is the time to try that out. I think it will be helpful for me to have in-person support.
I read over some of my SR entries and journal entries from April and May, and I was very adamant about not giving my AV the time of day. The cravings and triggers were there, but I shot them down. I was very focused on the sober person that I wanted to be. Then I fell into a depression and lost sight of my goals. They started faded away. And the AV got louder. And I finally gave in. The AV has used that as ammo: "when you were sober you weren't all that happy. You were tired and depressed. You may as well drink and numb yourself." That's been the standard line for the last three months. I need to fight back. Yes, I did get depressed. But, that is a common occurrence in recovery (and now I have meds to help with that). It will eventually go away or at least lessen. I need to focus on the wonderful things that my sobriety during those three months gave me: a confidence and peace with myself that I've never had, and the ability to wake up every day without a hangover and wishing the day would just end before it even started (to name two). That's what I need to focus on. That's what I want back.
First step to get there is to not drink today. And to recognize that not drinking will most likely be the hardest thing I have to do most days. But it is absolutely the most important.
Thanks, All, for being here and being supportive.