Welcome, glad you're here!
Most of us dislike change. Typically, as change relates to alcohol we only change our behavior when the consequences of our drinking become to much. The shame, fear and regret take over and destroy our lives. Then we repeat the behavior to mask the symptoms = insidious insanity.
17 months back I made a decision to become willing, honest and open minded about seeking help. Like my friend TomSteve - I too became sick and tired of being sick and tired. SR has been a huge life line of learning and support for me as well as an outside recovery program.
Alcohol had become my solution to life's problems. I had to find other solutions - I had to accept who I was, my circumstances and the solution others laid out for me........many simply accept the first two and never really get to the third one, unfortunately. That was me for a very long time. I accepted my problem, but as the storm passed from another binge - I would drink again.
Keep posting, find your way and regardless of what else you do today - don't drink! It's the only thing in recovery we need to do perfectly. If we do that, we can work on the rest soberly with a clear head.
Welcome.......