It is weird, but I bet it resonates with a lot of us - it did with me.
It's good you're self aware - and it's great you've reached out here and in a few other threads...keep it up
make some changes, get some help - the more effort you make in doing that the better the chances are that you'll have seen your last binge, ever.
This is a great link about making a recovery plan
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D