Too proud
I find it funny that apparently I'm not too proud to let my life fall into shambles, ruin my reputation ( small town) , and risk losing everything , but I've been too proud to ask for ANY help, and have stared at blank message posts instead of writing anything or reaching out in anyway for help. Been reading the postings on here for sometime but couldn't bring myself to contribute. Too proud, and yet I've never had a lower opinion of myself as I do right now. I feel like I have eroded my self esteem to a nub by my constant self neglect . Drinking and using drugs has TOTALLY ruined anything I've worked for up to now.. I want to be a positive person who respects himself, and who others can respect . I'm approaching my 30th and the last decade is a smouldering crater ... I took my last drink at 7 am Sunday morning after an intense binge , it's a miracle nothing happened with the quantity of booze and drugs I apparently consumed of which I have absolutly no recollection ...
I don't want this to be what ends up defining me as a person
We all deserve a bit of peace and self respect no?
.... As we approach midweek I'm just praying that I'll start to feel a bit more human soon and that this binge ritual is disrupted .
Love the positivity on here, seriously I don't know how anyone could make any kind of progress without something like this