Originally Posted by
dandylion 
THiPPY.......I see that you are trying to establish boundaries.....just remember that boundaries are for you. As I interpret it....it is to buy you some space for yourself to breathe and think....and, keep you out of pointless arguments and interactions that just tear you up, inside. It is about how much you let another person's actions, etc. invade your personal and emotional space.
It is a tool for you to use.
You can't really expect that it will necessarily change him into doing what you want him to do, though. At the heart of it...he will do what he is going to do.
He controls him (on his side of the street)......and, you control your side of the street.
Maybe, you could begin to make goals for yourself....your own goals for the future......so that you don't feel so financially dependent on him.
In today's world, it is not a good position for a woman to have to feel completely dependent on a man....or anyone else!
You could look at an alanon meeting as the first baby step......
dandylion
Those limits, the amount of money spent and the frequency of drinking, are old ones. Things we've been doing for years. I know now that I shouldn't tell him how often to drink. But what should I do now that I know that? Tell him never mind? Haha.
As far as the money limit, I'm going to let that stand, right or wrong. We have financial goals that we're working on that will be to my benefit whether I stay or leave. The goal that he and I are working toward is still my goal whether he comes along or not.
A liquidation of assets today would leave me in a good enough position if I were to leave today. I'm not ready to leave right now, but I know it's a possibility and that I would be okay.
Of course there are factors aside from money. Not the least of which is that I'm coming to realize that I've been trained to be codependent my entire life. I'm definitely going to work on that. That's my side of the street, right? It has already helped my peace of mind to not get sucked into arguments with him.
I will try again for the meeting this week. It's tricky with the kids getting out early again. It seems like they never actually go M-F anymore!