Hi, Amy... I agree with others that you should reach out for some help right now. We are here for you of course, and I thank you for taking a big step and feeling safe enough to reach out and talk to us here on SR about your struggles. If you don't feel this is an "emergency", perhaps you could call 211 which is for community services information to see what resources are available to you. Here is their website for more information
https://www.fcc.gov/guides/dial-211-...unity-services
I know of an older lady who is an anxiety-ridden alcoholic who has stopped drinking but has become a shut-in and I truly feel she is slowly driving herself crazy because of so little interaction with others. She doesn't even get on a computer. The only human interaction she has is a phone call on some days with her sister. She is deteriorating. Human interaction is so critical. Hopefully you can get on your feet with some medical help from a professional. Perhaps you could volunteer somewhere when you're back on your feet doing something that pleases you. Meanwhile, we're here to "talk" to and share with you. Please let us know how you're doing, Amy.