I had about two years of sobriety before I started working on my ACOA stuff. They do want you clean of all chemical dependencies. Even smoking. I still smoke and have found no hindrance in my recovery work because of it. But, everyone is different.
I needed to deal with the most recent wreckage in my life from drinking before I was able to look back and see how it all started and why I ended up an alcoholic. But, that is just me. We do have an adult children section here and you are always welcome to pop in and post. Remember also it isn't just alcoholism and addiction but all family dysfunction that is addressed in ACOA