Originally Posted by
ScottFromWI 
I'm sure you are aware on some level, but alcohol makes every thing you just listed worse. It is not a "coping" mechanism...it is an escape mechanism. All of the problems you try to escape are still there, every single day when you sober up. Many times they are worse because we ignored them while we were drunk.
Our relationships also suffer as a result of our drinking for the same reasons - we withdraw and seek to escape them by getting drunk. But they still exist and the people we are in them with resent us for it.
Alcohol holds us back in our careers because we cannot function as well as we can sober.
And in regards to "helping us forget"...that's a problem, not a solution. We must deal with our past and present instead of shoving it under the rug or postponing it indefinitely.
So the long and short is, many of us had the same "reasons" you list here for our drinking...but what they really represent are EXCUSES to keep drinking that our addiction would have us believe.
Accepting our addiction for what it really is allows us to see this. It's a long road but you can take it if you like - many of us have.
Right, I guess I should have used the word "escape" instead of cope, because that is exactly what it is. It's a way for me not to have to face reality - temporarily. My girlfriend of 7 years(wow it's been a long time for her to have been putting up with my crap) always tells me that too, that I run from everything. I don't
deal with anything at all, no matter how minor. I guess you could say I have checked out. I think I have just been habitually doing it for so long that I don't even realize it.
I think what brought me back here this time is that I'm
tired of running.
I think the problem I had last time is that I was too afraid and not ready to put in the work to do it the right way....and in a way I think I still am. Sure I quit drinking for 3-4 months, but I never really faced my problems head on.
I didn't quit going to the therapist because it wasn't working, I quit because I was at a point where I would have to commit to going and that was too much for me. It was too much to have to deal with the stress of missing work to go to therapy, paying for it, ect...it was much easier just to go back to drinking and forget it all.
You know, I really like this site because it is almost like a journal. I just went back and read my first post and who would have guessed; I'm in exactly the same spot now as I was over a year ago. EXACTLY.
I'm not sure what this all means yet, I will have to put some more thought into it, which brings me to...
Originally Posted by
Anna I would caution you to write off medication for depression as a dr trying to get you hooked on meds to keep paying him. My depression is a chemical imbalance and the medication I take levels the playing field for me. Without the medication, my recovery would suffer. It's something to consider.
Honestly I would be willing to try them, but the therapist showed no interest in being flexible with my schedule. He only wanted to see me during hours where I would have to leave work and I have a very demanding job as far as attendance goes.
Is there some way I can just go to a general doctor and ask for them? Maybe mention that I am trying to quit drinking and a while back a therapist suggested I try lexapril? Is it common for people to go that route?
I think a lot of my drinking is a self medication thing. It runs in my family. I have several family members who take them...but the whole task of having to see a therapist 1-2 times a week during work hours to continue to get an Rx is just not realistically possible for me.
Originally Posted by
Anna Being home alone sounds like a serious trigger for you, so plan ahead. Get out of the house, even if for a short walk. As others have said, you thinking will have to shift and change will be part of your recovery. I hope you continue to read and post.
It really is. I think it goes back to alcohol being an escape mechanism for me.
I mentioned being neglected as a child...pretty much I was "homeschooled" but there was a period of about 3-4 years where my parents weren't home much of the day/night. I felt trapped, like A prison sometimes.
I think being home alone reminds me of that in a sense that I feel I need to "escape" somehow, which is where alcohol comes in. I drink the most and have the strongest urges when I am home alone. I know this is not rational, because as an adult I could simply just leave the house, but that doesn't necessarily get rid of my feeling alone and helpless like drinking does.
It would be nice if I could find something I like doing between the hours of 4-7 mon-fri that would not facilitate the use of alcohol...I just need to find what that thing is.