A few years back when I was a "functioning" alcoholic, I would drink 3/4 of a bottle of wine on a weeknight. I always made sure I stopped short of finishing the whole bottle, because that would be, ugh, bad and would mean I had a problem. I remember drinking 9/10 of the bottle and stopping short of finishing. Then what did I do the next morning once I awoke hungover? Pour the rest out. Swear I wouldn't drink that night. And then as the day progressed...why yes, wine started sounding good again. Blah! Don't miss that.
Today on the train home there was a kid who got on and came over to sit by me. Wreaked of hard alcohol. Must have been early 20's. He was pretty tipsy and half had his face in his hands and was half trying to sit up straight without rocking. He tried hitting on me and I told him I was working and wasn't interested. He kind of shrugged it off. Then kept rocking back and forth and looked like he was going to puke (luckily he didn't). It almost made me sick to my stomach to remember what he was feeling. I was sad for him, and sad for anyone that gets smashed on a Monday afternoon and ends up alone on a train.
Just grateful to be sober today and not have to suffer the anxiety caused by "I want to drink more but I will need to wake up for work in the morning...but I want to drink more" or the nausea and dizziness caused by drinking more and more and more and ending up alone.