So, I have 2 issues. A girl at work, clearly doesn't like me. We had a team meeting today, and everyone else was met with smiles and happiness when they spoke. I got the poker face any time I spoke.
I know there's an element of feeling threatened on her end, I think, because of how my role has been introduced - but quite frankly, dealing with someone else's insecurities, and playing nicey and politics around it is just the last thing I really want right now.
Secondly, This has rattled me a bit, and brought back some nagging, "oh am I pulling my weight", "am I doing my job correctly" and, the worst one, "am I going to lose my job if I don't perform" kind of old, old anxieties all at once.
I knew there were some probs with this team and some other people in the broader team I'd be working with as peers who actually haven't been performing. So it's kind of ironic all this self-doubt is now in MY head.
Sorry, I'm probably raving a bit, I just had to get it off my chest in a fashion!
I know you all can relate to the, "oh my God, they are gonna find out I'm a phony", "I don't deserve this job, I'm a slacker" feeling. I do know on a serious note, that I do need to address it, because anything like this can start us down self-sabotage talk.
So, I know I need to cut myself some slack. I've been through 2 life events that are stressful. Moving house and starting a new job. And I have to take care of my physical and mental health a little more during those times. I've been eating badly, and boy, do I notice now how that affects my mood. It's undeniable I HAVE to keep sugar out of my diet. It affects my mood, I get back into my addictive ways with food that just spirals me downwards.
Tomorrow is Day 1 of back to healthy eating. No buts about it.