This trauma that I have experienced runs deep. In the paper yesterday there was an article about a 10 year old boy who killed his grandmother who was about 90 by repeatedly punching her the throat.......I see things differently than most.....I question what she did to him to cause this, because when I was 13 I had been thinking for months how to kill my own grandmother who abused me from about age 4 through 15.......the only reason I didn't was because I didn't think I'd get a way w it and I didn't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. I'm 52 years old and I still hate.....btw.....I did not go to her funeral when she died at age 80. My brothers had to repeatedly remind me to go visit her in the hospital. I went once, saw her.....and never went back even though she was there at least 3 weeks prior to her death. This runs very very deep and she is the only person in my entire life that I contemplated about killing. I can't help it.....it's how I felt and feel.