Gotta life thank you for the feedback.......I feel I don't have a few years to work on this problem. I feel it is the root of my self destruction patterns.......I've been self destructive for years. It can't go on. There is no one to talk to about this. Both my brothers are in denial....and they treat me like we were back in our childhood. They haven't changed because they either can't see a reason to or because they've lived in the same town all their lives.....I'm the one who moved away. They don't respect me and they act like I'm either stupid or unequal to them. None of that is right so I cut them off, no longer speaking to them. I can just imagine what they will say to each other after they hear about my recent DUI.