amartin this is yet another proof, if we needed it, that men and women think differently about sex; then add alcohol into the mix and you've not going to any common ground.
The one idea I had was to write a list of what he says to you and calls you when he's drunk. Just pick a sample. Then write down an explanation about how women need an emotional connection to enjoy sex. How being abused turns them off completely. When he's sober present him with the list and the explanation.
Some men aren't subtle and you have to spell it out very clearly.