A- J,
I am sorry for you pain, it is not fun to love an addict. It is very painful and lonely. You have to understand that they are alcoholics and alcoholics drink. They aren't drinking at you, they just "want" to drink. The problem is, that they have programmed us to accept unacceptable behavior. Slowly over time we tolerate this crxp. We wake up one day and we are crazy, and they are the alcoholic.
So what can you do for YOU? Hit those alanon meetings. Try going to an open AA meeting, read the other forums on SR, new to recovery, and the alcohlism forum. Educate yourself about this disease. It is progressive and it will only get worse, so how much can you take? That is the million dollar question.
They say in alanon not to make any decisions for 6 months. Sit back, devise a plan on what you want to do. Set up some boundaries. Do NOT make any threats, unless you can follow through. Because I'm sure you have threatened and he laughs at you when you don't follow through.
Keep educating yourself and with you changing, maybe he will and maybe he won't. Hugs my friends, there is hope for both of you. Reach out if you have any questions. There are some amazing people on this forum!!