A Brewery Tour
I rarely post, but I read here often. I need your collective wisdom and advice. Should I or shouldn’t I be concerned?
My husband (9 months sober) went away with an old college friend this past weekend. I decided to take my children on a little adventure of our own and was a little taken aback when I got a text from him “We just finished a brewery tour”. I didn’t want to have a volley of potentially heated text messages so I only typed back “ok” and decided to wait until I returned home.
So, he went on the brewery tour and taste tested a couple of beers (small cups according to him). He didn’t think much of it. He felt in control. No urges. I told him he shouldn’t have been there. He put himself in a place where he would be tempted. Who wouldn’t sample the beers? Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to deflection, rationalization and blame shifting. *sigh*
In addition, a month ago, he decided to discontinue with AA. No more sponsor, 12 steps or meetings. The 12 steps didn’t resonate with him. His AA attendance was sketchy and inconsistent anyway. Usually, one meeting every one to two weeks. He will continue with weekly individual therapy though. His therapist is in agreement with his AA decision.
A moderate drinker most of his life, his consumption significantly increased a couple of years ago which ultimately led him down a dark 8-month path of binge drinking episodes complete with a handful of blackouts. In his case, alcoholism is a symptom of other issues. No more alcohol, but the other issues remain and need to be addressed. I don’t want the alcohol to come back.
I guess I would have thought: (1) he would have been more forthcoming with an apology instead of engage in deflection, rationalization and blame shifting; and (2) he would have been inclined to take a look at his recovery program and shore up any cracks and crevices.
I would appreciate your thoughts. Should I be concerned? Or let it go?