First of all... thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know how troubling and horrible all of this is for you and you are NOT alone.
I am female, 31 years old and started suffering from withdrawal symptoms around the age of 28. from what I've read, this is very common for people who have been drinking an upwards of 10+ years. my symptoms vary, but mostly it's the same, and I often don't know how severe they will be or how long it will last. I usually detox at home, alone, which I don't recommend, because that is not only dangerous but terrifying. if you have the means to get to detox in an emergency room, do it. withdrawal is NOT a game and it puts your life at a real risk. do not attempt to drive and don't be afraid to alert someone to your condition who can help you. it is embarrassing yes but you are too valuable!! my family and friends have had to help me through withdrawals a ton of times.
ok for symptoms... they're different from person to person but I'll list mine:
1. Anxiety. by far the worst symptom (for me anyway). The anxiety is INDESCRIBABLE. if you hospital detox they'll get your vitals, hook you up to an intravenous saline drip and give you some benzos (if you have a good doctor). in my experience, and I hate to say this, but ER nurses see drug and booze withdrawals so often that sometimes they might not give you as much benzos that you need to normalize... which I find horrible, clearly these people don't understand addiction and withholding medication from someone in need because you disagree with their choices and predisposition is unethical and cruel. anyway. the anxiety feels very much like strong waves of a panic attack. these could last for hours. even when they aren't that bad, it's still uncomfortable
2. insomnia. sleeping is impossible. tossing and turning is inevitable. if I am able to fall asleep, it's for two-three minutes at a time before waking in a panic.
3. clammy/sweaty skin. body trying to detoxifying itself from the ethanol
4. vomiting. again, the body's way of trying to better itself. if you're anything like me or many other alcoholics, you may maintain a poor diet of little to no food. dry heaving is another unpleasant experience.
5. seizure/shaking. this is so scary... it happened to me for the first time in February. I didn't know what was happening, and was hospitalized when my roommate saw me fall in my kitchen. this was the first time I thought that I actually might die from my alcoholism. I lived in Chicago at the time, and did not alert my family to my condition as I did not want them to worry or be disappointed in me. it happened again three days later, after I left detox and was still withdrawing, the only thing that made the pain go away was to drink. I was ashamed and depressed. I moved back to Tennessee to be with my family.
Alcoholism is a cycle, a coping mechanism that I have used because I could not bear to face and process my emotions and depression. a friend of mine described it like having a "raw nerve". Drink because you are depressed? or am I depressed because I drink? I don't even know anymore. I am constantly rolling the dice with my health too because sometimes I can binge drink for days and have no withdrawal symptoms or even a hangover. sometimes I can drink as few as three drinks and suffer withdrawals the next day and they come out of NOWHERE. each time they are just as scary as the last, I find myself promising if I can make it out of it this time I won't go back, sadly to sober up and think "well this isn't that great. what's so great about being sober", or still reeling from the guilt of my addiction. I think that mindset is what a lot of people use to justify relapse, on top of being physically dependent on the stuff, or being sober is "boring" "I'm always going to be this way, it's impossible for me to stop I've tried so many times and I can't" etc. I don't know all the answers but I want you to know that people care, and just keep trying. this is your life - alcoholism is scary, a true living hell that is painful. i understand and feel your pain. try to think of withdrawal as your body trying to normalize. depressants erode the brain, it becomes dependent on the substance, and when you cease intake, your brain goes into overdrive trying to regulate itself back to normal. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy! I'm working on my own recovery as well. please contact me if you need someone to talk to.