M-
No one is telling you what to do. If you feel you are not ready for a divorce, good for you for realizing that. All we are saying is take care of you. He is a big boy and you have taken care of him for a very long time, has it worked? What you have been doing for years, is he any better.
Us enablers always put the addicts before us. We are saying work on you. Thats awesome about looking for the jobs. Its great you are going to alanon and counseling. Its great that you have support group of friends that you go out with. These are all awesome things you can do to build up your self esteem.
If you think forcing him into rehab will make him get sober, I would recommend asking the alcoholic forum. Ask them if someone did that to them would you see the light and change, or would you be angrier and more pxssed off? They are wonderful people on that forum, ask them your question. Ask them what made them get sober and work a program. They are a wealth of knowledge.
Hugs my friend. All we want is you to be happy, and we will support you any way we can.