M-
You are married and are entitled to half of the money. Have you consulted an attorney? Most divorce attorneys will give u a free first visit. Reach out and have a million questions for them. You might not be in as bad a shape that you think. You will never know until you find out.
I was with my A 34 years and married 26. Slowly they groom you for unacceptable behavior and it gets worse and worse. We tolerate more and more till we can no longer take it. Leading a separate life has been fine for you to survive, but in the long run, it really is no way to live. One day I decided that he was on a path to die, and it was not going to be on my watch. I was not going to watch this happen to the man I loved. I had to get out as I was going crazy.
You can do anything you put your mind too. Start putting important stuff together or making copies. Maybe start another bank account you can put away money. No situation is hopeless!!! Reach out with your questions and the members of SR will help you get them answered!! Hugs my friend there is always hope!!