Hello everyone,
Just checking in sober on a Thursday night. Entire family are asleep, crescent moon has set and the sky is full of stars. Wonderful.
am - thank you for the " that's who I USED to be " alternative thought.
We are good for so much more than our inner critics would have us believe.
Two updates - I did get to see my ( big drinking ) long lost buddy and his friends after all by making the effort to grab a coffee before breakfast ahead of them leaving for the airport on Monday. This meant getting up at 4am to work then driving 40km to meet him. He was incredibly hungover and stinking of alcohol. We had coffee then his buddies turned up and ordered two bottles of champagne to go with our orange juices. I'm glad I made the effort to see him, but a hundred times more grateful that I was wise enough to stay away from both Saturday Nd Sunday nights booze-fests.
On Tuesdsy I went to AA again ( 2nd ever meeting ). There was some trepidation but nothing like the stomach churning nervousness of last week. There were twice as many people there ( about 20 ) and I felt very welcome and supported. I can immediately see that AA is going to be essential to get me through these next few months at least. As I write this now, I am not really bothered by the prospect of going ( ' having to go ' as my AV may put it ) every week forever.
It sounds as everything is just fine and dandy, but it's not. I feel very empty and raw after the realisation that I was deluding myself about my ability to cope with imminent triggers without extra support - also the challenge presented by gambling my sobriety on complying with a friends insistent party invites - and finally a feeling of grief and remorse for another thirty year friendship that lies in tatters - my ever present, always there for me, bestest best mate, booze.
Belated welcome to Bix, BFairy hope your AA was helpful too, well done again WWS and wishing you strength BFree ( I used to manage 100 staff, now have only myself to argue with, being a 'self emwomped freewomper' - I honestly can't say which I prefer )
Saskia, Toots, Gleefan, Gilmer - I, too, gain so much from your posts