I hope I don't step on any toes, but I thought this might be the place to see if this is out of the ordinary - and maybe advice from the AH perspective(?)
AH and I have been in a pretty bad place for a few years now, although I only woke up to the alcoholic backbone of a lot of our issues the last year or so. The last year has been different in that the explosive anger has subsided (or at least his outward expression of it at least?). However, I still am pretty much alone in the marriage.
Here is where I'm at a loss. He's been going to AA off/on for a year, with the current push being that he's going pretty much every night. But, he's also still drinking every night (less - a small bottle vs a 750). I haven't been checking up on him, but he doesn't hide it, so I'm pretty sure it's consistent.
So, my first question - is this normal? Frankly, I broke down and told him I'm sick of picking up the slack with the kids, house...basically everything for him to keep disappearing and then still drinking and pretty much being "absent" even when he IS home. He brushes off any suggestions of any sort of intensive outpatient alternatives btw.
My next question is - Is an ultimatum ever a good idea? I know I can't keep this up. It's emotionally exhausting me. I'm working on upping my Alanon and trying my best to take time for me (with 2 young kids and work, etc. and an emotionally/physically absent spouse, it's hard). But, I feel like I'm getting all the bad parts of being a single mom with none of the freedom or benefits - I'm alone living with a spouse. I feel I may be getting close to my limit. I honestly don't know if our family could overtake the alcohol as a priority if I did give one, but it may not even matter either way given the current state of things. I can't live feeling this lonely while living with someone indefinitely.
Right now, I'm trying to stay out of his way and let him do what he needs to do, but after a year, we're more like roommates than a couple. At some point, enough has to be enough, right?
Anyway, thanks if you read this far. Any experience you are willing to share would be wonderful!
